I NEED HUMOR

Well I'll try to help.  It's not so much a joke, but if it doesn't make you laugh, it'll make you cry.

It was my 40th birthday and I really didn't feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.

My kids came trampling down the stairs to breakfast, ate their breakfast, and didn't say a word to me. So when I made it out of the house and started for work, I felt pretty dumpy and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary said, "Good Morning, and by the way Happy Birthday!" It felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered. I piddled around until about one o'clock, when the secretary knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your Birthday, why don't we go out for lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

We went to lunch but not where we'd normally go. Instead she took me to a quiet bistro with a private table. We had a couple of mixed drinks and I enjoyed the meal, conversation and sexual tension. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't have to go right back to the office, do we?" I replied with "I suppose not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's go to my apartment, it's just around the corner."

After arriving at her apartment, she turned to me and said, "If you don't mind, I'm goinna to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back." "Ok." I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake...

Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends, and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there...

On the couch...

Naked.


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LOL... just a joke.  Never really happened to me... but I find the first person stories to be the best when you can tell them with a straight face until you get to the punchline.  Poor chbroker is so uptight his caps key is stuck, so I thought maybe I could loosen him up with what he asked for... a good laugh.

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           Joe Smith played linebacker at Ol' Miss for 4 years . He war a holy terror and often sent opposing players to the bench for the rest of the game . Instead of the NFL he took a job on Wall Street . One day while headed to work on the NYC subway he was bumped into by a sleazy guy as he got on the subway car . As the door closed he realized that his wallet was missing . The door was closed but the guy was still standing on the platform a scant foot from the door . Joe reached out the opening between the doors and managed to grab the guy . As the train started to leave the station Joe refused to let the guy go . He wanted his wallet back . The guy screamed and cried while begging Joe to let him go . Joe still held on refusing to allow the thief to get away with it . As the train approached the end of the station the screaming guy managed to get his jacket off and tumbled down the station barely escaping falling on the tracks . Joe pulled his arm back in with only a dirty jacket to show for his trouble . He was REALLY mad .
            When he got to work he was muttering about crime in the streets , where's a cop when you need one , if he ever sees that guy again he would surely kill him and a few other grumbles . As he approached his secretary she smiled and said "Good morning Mr. Smith . By the way , your wife called to let you know that you forgot your wallet ."

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