Filipinos Loved Markos! Yea, Right.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
ENRON CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters ofcredit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute adebt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all fourcows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on onemore.
Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You then hire a consultant to investigate why the the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows
Business seems pretty good
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow andproduce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION
So, there are these two Jewish cows, right?
They open a milk factory, anice cream store, and then sell the movie rights.
They send their calves toHarvard to become doctors.
So, who needs people?
IRISH ECONOMICS:
You have two cows, you claim EU Common Agricultural Policy subsidies for ten cows.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
That one on the left is kinda cute.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
FEUDALISM:
You have two cows.
The lord of the manor takes some of the milk.
And all the cream.
PURE SOCIALISM:
You have two cows.
The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows.
You have to take care of all the cows.
The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM:
You have two cows.
The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows.
They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers.
You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers.
The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM:
You have two cows.
The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM:
You have two cows.
Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM:
You have two cows.
You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
NAZISM:
You have two cows.
The government takes both and shoots you.
PURE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY:
The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it.
After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures.
The press dubs the affair "Cowgate". The cows are set free.
BRITISH DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
You feed them sheep brains and they go mad.
The government gives you compensation for your diseased cows, compensation for your lost income, a grant not to use your fields for anything else.
And tells the public not to worry.
BUREAUCRACY:
You have two cows.
At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them.
Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain.
Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
ANARCHY:
You have two cows.
Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
eNVIRONMENTALISM:
You have two cows.
The government bans you from milking or killing them.
TOTALITARIANISM:
You have two cows.
The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS:
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is an outdated symbol of your decadent, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
They get married and adopt a calf.
COUNTER CULTURE:
Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.
SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
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« Last Edit: January 25, 2013, 06:39:07 pm by homefire »
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