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Offline JonCTopic starter
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« on: May 10, 2009, 01:28:07 am »
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'Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?'

'Yes What can I do for you?'

"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith. He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hiding it in there."

"'Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every
piece of wood, but; find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly thereafter, the phone rings at Virgil's house.

'Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd.....Did the Sheriff come?'

'Yeah!'

'Did they chop your firewood?'

"'Yep!'

'Happy Birthday, buddy!'

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We can never achieve perfection.. but if we chase perfection we will catch excellence.

Vince Lombardi

We have forty million reasons for failure but not a single excuse.

Rudyard Kipling

Offline sandigger
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« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2009, 10:17:16 am »
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 Grin Smiley Great Great  I Love it !

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Offline homefire
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« Reply #2 on: May 29, 2009, 10:50:40 am »
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Italian Tomato Garden:

 


An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey.  He wanted to
plant his annual  tomato garden, but it was very difficult
work as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his
predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't
be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just
getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.
I know if you were here my troubles would be over...
I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me,
like in the old days.
Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.


Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie

 
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived
and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They
apologized to the old man and left.


That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best
I could do under the circumstances.   

Love you,
Vinnie

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Offline JonCTopic starter
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« Reply #3 on: June 10, 2009, 11:48:29 pm »
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 Grin I love it

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We can never achieve perfection.. but if we chase perfection we will catch excellence.

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We have forty million reasons for failure but not a single excuse.

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Offline BilBear
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« Reply #4 on: September 14, 2011, 07:50:26 pm »
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A dog limps into a bar. The bartender yells at the dog, "get out of here, we don't serve dogs in this bar!" to which the dog replies,"I'm just looking for the man that shot my pa".

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